The Struggles of Having a Straight A’s, Multi-Talented Sibling.
So I am currently a junior taking a rigorous program, and supposedly, I should know what I want to do in life. Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I am completely lost. I have no clue what I want to do, where I want to go, yet there is one thing that I was always determined to do; it was to get into a university that is more high-ranking than my sister’s.
Imagine that you have a sister who’s an absolute science genius, winning several awards and getting straight A’s throughout her entire high school career. (On top of that, she also has a rock band, earned a teaching degree in piano, and was the Student Council president.) Then she gets into this T20 school in the US and suddenly everyone is giving you that expectant look, like you’re going to do the same thing as her and become this science whiz who would get into a high ranking school like she did. Well, compared to her, I’m an absolute failure. I’ve managed to get a subject award every year and maintained a high 80’s to low 90’s grade through grade 9 and 10, but nothing seemed to feel good to me. All of the work that I put into my classes felt like a burden, and the only thing that got me through was the thought that I would have to do so to get a higher grade than my sister.
I hated myself, and I hated everything that I did. Nothing felt good enough, and I was constantly drowning in this pool of self-hatred.
I’ve tried talking to my friends, who have perfectly healthy mindsets, but they never seemed to get me. The advice I usually get in return is, “You should just focus on what you want to achieve” and “don’t be so stressed out about school”. Like, thanks, but don’t you think I’ve tried that a lot already? (Fyi, my friends are really great people, but because of the different ways that we were raised, I guess all of my problems just seem a lot simpler to them, which I guess is fine; everyone have different perspectives.)
As I reached my breaking point, I did something that I’d never expected myself to do, which was reach out to my rival, my sister. I ended up staying up until 1:30 AM texting her on a school night (yay for time zone differences!) and realized that I was not the only one who struggled with this.
So this is what I want to tell you: to all the younger siblings out there who feel inferior to your brother or sister, you are not alone. It may be due to the fact that your mom or dad constantly compare you to each other, whether in a subtle or straightforward manner, intentionally or unintentionally. It may be due to the fact that he or she is so successful that you feel a burden to walk in the same path as they did. Your problems are not simple or inferior, they are complex things that need to be sorted out, whether through therapy or, in my case, self-discovery and journaling; it is not something that is going to go away immediately.
Some days I would feel confident in my achievements, then stumble upon some piles of certificates and medals that my sister got, and then it’s right back to feeling like a failure. Instead of trying to inflate yourself up by surpassing them or avoiding the family group chat anytime that there is news of your sister getting an intern at some high-tech Japanese lab or something, find a way to talk yourself out of it rationally and face the problem head on, because at the end of the day, you’re you and they’re them. By pitting yourself against them, you are essentially taking away from the meaningful moments that you could share with them and losing a talented friend who could support you as they are older than you and are more experienced with life.
I guess it’s really hard, and I am still struggling with it from time to time (well, I still do a lot actually), but reassure yourself that things will eventually get better if you try to fix them in a positive way, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me on Instagram @trucanht29
With love,
Emma